The One without the Birthday Party

Some of you may have heard about Owen's best friend, Matthew. He and Owen met in their 4-year-old kindergarten class this year and have been best buds for most of the year. They're in the after-school program together besides, so that has only cemented their friendship. Owen named his birthday turtle after Matthew, he likes taking cold lunch because Matthew does, and Matthew's name was one of the first names other than his own that Owen learned how to spell.

Matthew's birthday is coming up, June 10, and we've been hearing about it for several weeks now. It's on our calendar at home, and the other night, Owen said he wanted to take the paper crown he got at school for his birthday and erase his name and write in Matthew's and then give it to him, because "Matthew likes the crown."

So, we got the invitation to Matthew's birthday party this week...and Owen can't go. I knew the moment I looked at the date that there was a problem, and I checked our calendar hoping that maybe I was wrong, but no. We have an out-of-town wedding that day. I swear, I almost cried.

One of the (many) difficult things about parenting is not transferring our adult emotions onto our children's situations. Although I KNOW Owen will be disappointed and sad about the party, he'll get over it. Much more quickly than, say, I would get over missing an important friend's gathering that I'd been looking forward to for weeks. I have to remember that I felt similar guilt and sadness when we decided to send Owen to his current school, which meant he wouldn't see his best friend from daycare, Valentine, in the center's after-school program. I have to remember that kid friendships, especially those of 4- and 5-year-olds, are much different than adult friendships.

We occasionally see Valentine now when Owen and I pick up Nora from daycare, and they barely give each other a second glance. This is much different than, say, how I react when I see a friend I haven't seen in awhile. This typically involves hugs and giggling, and sometimes Orange Dream and crafts. :)

Matthew and Owen at Owen's birthday party: